You CAN Do it All... Here's How
ALL of the time people ask me how I do all that I do. Literally all of the time I hear "I have no clue how you do this AND have a full time job" or "I have no clue how you do that and have a kid". And every time I hear that I think people are so kind, as it is a compliment that it SEEMS I do a lot of stuff on my own, but it makes me realize how much of a support system I have around me. And on another note, it is insane to think about the amount of people around me that make the sacrifices they do so that I can pursue my dreams, reach my goals and bring others along with me.
If you don’t know me, here’s a recap: I am so thankful to lead a team at one of the fastest growing marketing agencies in the world! And to be a head coach of a high school cheerleading program that is reaching new heights every year. This year we have 3 teams for the first time in school history, landed 8th in the nation at the most prestigious high school cheer nationals there is, were featured on ESPN... two of our senior athletes were scholar-shipped for D1 college cheer... and I am STOKED beyond belief that the program continues to grow! Beyond that I started this blog, am a mom to a smart 10-year-old who challenges me daily, and a wife to a commuting financial adviser.
It is a lot. But the main thing is, I don’t do it alone and neither should you. Here are my TOP 10 PIECES of advice for the boss ladies out there that want to have it all, and #10 is the most important in my opinion so if you’re skimming, make sure to get there :)
Don’t think you can do it all yourself
Sure, people like to claim they are “self-made” but who is ACTUALLY self-made? No one gave you a break, an opportunity, child care, emotional support, financial support, a roof over your head for a night? You truly did EVERYTHING by yourself? Well, that is cool. I didn’t.
Surround yourself with people who you look up to or who bring something to the table and that you can TRUST
No, that doesn’t mean be friends with people who benefit you. This means to be friends with people who bring out the best in you, and who make you better. Maybe they’re gracious, and teach you to be that way. Maybe they’re religious, and help you see God in a different manner. Maybe they’re a realist, and bring you to reality when you need a dose of that. Maybe they tell you what you need to hear when you don’t want to hear it, with the sole intention to make you better. Or, maybe they’re the best person to vent to, and they know you and have your back no matter what, and they let you decompress without competing with you or judging you. No matter who it is, make sure the people you are around make you better or lift you up. And you do not necessarily need a significant other and I am not trying to say that at all, but if you have or want one… make sure to find a life partner who is truly a LIFE PARTNER. Not a husband. Traditional roles have no place in a home with a woman who wants to do it all. Sure, you can cook, clean, do laundry, if you enjoy it. Make sure you are not EXPECTED to do those things. Make sure that there are defined roles between the two of you, and that it is balanced. BALANCED - NOT EVEN. It will never be even. Lastly, keep family close and remind them all the time how much they mean to you. They are your tribe. My parents and Kevin's parents (and siblings!) do a ton for us, and they are wonderful. Without them there is a lot we couldn't do...
Which brings me to #3… DON’T KEEP SCORE
Not with your friends, not with your coworkers, not with your husband… don’t keep track of things you’ve done and things others have done for you. Don’t EVER keep score. You will always lose, and always be resentful. Do your best to be the most you can be to those around you, and if you have the right people around you, they’ll bring positivity in your life that no score could keep track of. Who cares if someone flakes out a lot on certain things. Choose to do things with them that they don't flake out on. For example, if you know they'll agree to and then ditch the gym with you every time, but they love happy hour, only make plans with them for things you know they'll follow through on! Don't expect people to be who they are not, and don't keep track of the times they don't do xyz. For example, I am terrible at thank you cards, but I always SAY thank you... so if you are keeping track of this, you probably hate me by now. But I still have amazing people around me who still send ME thank you cards... I feel like they just know me at this point and they still "do them" even though I don't reciprocate that piece. Again, don't keep score.
Don’t be afraid to cut toxic people out of your life
I have never been afraid to do this. It is the best way to be the best version of yourself. If they only bring you down, then you have not even reached close to your potential with people around you like that. They usually are envious or insecure, and you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. You will never change them, and you will use all your energy trying to lift them up.
It is really hard to stay organized when you have 1000 things going on at once and trust me I struggle with this daily. The biggest thing I do is keep a checklist at work at my desk of what HAS to get done, and then a google calendar where I put all of the tasks as well. I have a dedicated google calendar to Camryn, Cheer, Cheer Coaches/Cheer Absence Requests, Work, my Husband, and myself Personally. That is a lot of calendars, but I have one account where I can see it all, and then I know what I am booked out for. I also use google voice for texting so I can access stuff easier through the app on my computer in the future, I use groupme for group communication, and I have email accounts I use that I forward certain things in to just for organization purposes. 1 is for junk email / online shopping emails & 1 is for Camryn for all of her important things, and 1 is for all of my online accounts that are related to financial, bills etc.
Replenish your soul
Make time for YOU. Do NOT apologize for this. It is a discipline and not a luxury. You need to recharge so you can be the best person you can for others. This means a vacation once in a while, or even working out a few times per week. If you can get there daily, great. I personally cannot, but 2 days per week I do make it a priority. If you cannot be happy with YOU, you cannot be happy with OTHERS.
You don’t have to know the answer, you just have to be willing to find it at all costs. This is in work, as a parent, wife, etc. At work, if I don’t know something a client asks I will relentlessly research until I know the right answer. Same thing internally. At cheer, I have built connections across the industry from college coaches to staff members of our competition organization, so that I know I am getting the right answers and not wasting anyone’s time. As a parent, we seek the help of counselors, teachers, psychologists, and in our marriage we go to marriage counseling! We know we don’t know the answers all of the time and you have to be HUMBLE enough to realize this and seek help and advice from those around you.
Even if it hurts, and even if you don’t want to be. Stick to your truths and make sure that you live your life in a way that you know your ethics will never be in question. Work on your approach if you’re like me and you’re painfully direct; not everyone will appreciate that. But always be honest, and let people know where they stand and what your goals are and intentions are. Employers appreciate direct communicators, employees appreciate honesty. And with your children and your husband, honesty is an extremely important quality to a successful family dynamic (which what is that? We are constantly working on it. But every time we are not 100% honest within the family, that is when the biggest issues arise).
Do what you’re passionate about
Find a way to make your job something you love, or find a job you DO love. I have known since I was 13 that I wanted to be in advertising because that is just my personality. I know what I want and I work my butt off to get it. But if it has taken you longer, try quite a few things and invest yourself in to what makes you smile and makes you get out of bed in the morning. Then, work hard to become an expert (or as close to one as you can) at that craft and bring people along with you.
Realize you cannot be everything to everyone, and that is OK
There are times you will be stretched too thin. Especially if you have a lot going on in your life! I personally have two jobs, started the blog, manage quite a few people, and coach over 40 athletes! You have to delegate and realize you cannot be everything to everyone ALL of the time and you have to prioritize what will be the best use of your energy. Sometimes it is hard if you’re like me and you feel like you are letting people down, but you’re not. You’re empowering people to help and grow, influencing people to be self-sufficient and helping others become leaders and take ownership. You simply cannot and should not take ownership on other people’s emotions because you can NEVER control them. Just realize what you’re doing and how it impacts those around you and make sure to best allocate your TIME and your ENERGY in the best way you know how.
Do you do anything that helps you balance work, hobbies, friends, family that is just killer? Please write in my comments below! :)
Thanks for reading!